hi Alexandra,
im sorry this has thrown you out like this. i know it would do the same to me. thats a lot of time to have to do without the support of your T. on the other hand, does he know how this upsets you? Ts arent mind readers. i have to keep reminding myself of that. lol. he may think you re perfectly happy with it? i think it could really help if you could let him know how you feel when you cant see him and also how you feel that hes avoiding you. (you re right. thats in your head but it does probably relate to some issues that therapy is there to help. though i guess you know this already. )
about the not talking in the last session i think thats completely normal. you let him see more of you the time before which makes you vulnerable which would bring up embarassment and fear about how hes going to react and what he thinks of you now. give yourself some slack and allow yourself to back off and process the fact that he probably doesnt see any reason why you would be embarassed and you have not been diminished in his perceptions at all.
Ts are trained to deal with all the crap inside people and most of them if they have any experience have heard a lot of crap so they are well prepared. they have their own coping techniques to make sure they take care of themselves and they can handle their clients pain. thats a part of building up trust is to try gently with talking about things as you did, wait to see his reaction and reassure yourself he is still there and still cares and gradually you work up to talking about all the seriously crap stuff inside by following the same 'reveal - reassure' pattern.
to me it sounds like you re making a lot of progress in trusting this guy. if i remember rightly you havent been seeing him very long at all? it takes a lot of time to trust so go at your own pace and if he is worth his salt as a T he will happily go at that pace with you.
keep thinking and analysing your thoughts. you sound so together and in control even though you dont feel it!
good luck and i really hope he can reschedule for you.
take care
biiv