Yes, the premieres are nice (there have been many over the last few years), but they really don't get me anywhere. It's just like this has all been a big joke.

I guess I just feel so terrible about myself…to me I seem selfish, unproductive (or not productive enough), guilty, stupid, ugly (well from the neck down anyway) etc. etc.

I just feel like I'm a waste of money and the world's resources. What am I good for? I try to contribute, but no one really cares.

I keep getting mixed messages from people too and I'm so confused and fake since almost no one knows the real me.