I was married to a controlling man for 17yrs. For most of those years I did not love him or feel any feelings for him. That made it very difficult to get intimate with him. I kept so much inside of me and wouldn't let him in. I isolated myself for awhile. Finally I did something for myself, because obviously he was not helping the situation. I went to nursing school at age 35yrs. It was very hard, but I had a goal that I was deterrmined I was going to reach and nobody could stop me except myself. What I am trying to say is that I know where you are coming from. Find something that you like to do for yourself and not for anyone else. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Set your mind to something you want to accomplish and don't let no one stop you from achieving your goals. The struggle is hard, but it is worth it in the end.
Please keep in touch. I am also a new member and I am finding lot's of caring people who care.
Hugs from me to you
vlynn