It can be really confusing trying to figure out what is best. It is helpful sometimes to think about the alters, especially the children, and try to figure out why they were created, and what they need most. It seems to me that if I was dealing with a new diagnosis and very scary, having a protective, strong figure take over would be helpful, as I would be feeling vulnerable and confused. In this case, it would make sense that she is getting stronger.

For me, I started with five children, ages 2, 3, 6, 9 and 12. The youngest three have merged together, so I am down to three. Charlotte, the 6 year old is who gets stuck the most with me. She comes out when I am feeling scared, vulnerable, overwhelmed and unsure/confused. Lately, this has been a lot, and so she has been more present than any of the others. This is difficult for me because not only do I start feeling scared, etc, but I then become a six year old again, who is adamant that she is not a grownup, never wants to be one, and doesn't want to have to make any adult decisions, including meals, household chores, and anything to do with work, travel, driving, talking to people, etc.
I have learned to help calm her down, to reassure her. More than anything she needs to know that she is safe, that no one is mad at her and that she is not in trouble. She is very sensitive.

With my 9 year old, she comes out when I'm angry and perceiving some kind of injustice. She uses words and insults to upset people to get them to leave our body alone. With her, she needs to be acknowledged for what she contributes to keeping us safe and protected. She likes to feel powerful and helpful, and most of all respected. I thank her for everything she does for us, and try to help her learn more effective ways to deal with bullies, and better ways of identifying a bully.

Two different children, two completely different needs. This is what I mean when trying to find out what purpose they serve to your system, and what issues they are having that cause them stress. After all, the children were created in a different time than you live in now and while their roles probably helped you greatly at the time, they will need some help to learn how to function effectively now that you are grown.

By best wishes for you with all of this!!
xoxo
IJ