I'm starting to see just how "dependent" this whole Dependent Personality of mine is. I've never liked the diagnosis but I can say that the fact that I don't like it has made me more aware of "attachment" patterns I never could see before.

T has already established (and its true) that my mom and I have a pretty unhealthy codependent relationship. We're working on that. But one thing we discussed was my tendency to think "what would mom do?" about every single decision I make. And then, 9 times out of 10, i'll go with what I think she would say even if its not what I would have chosen to do for myself. Now i'm I'm starting to get have a similar pattern with T. I think about her a lot and then tell myself to stop thinking about that (because, you know - its creepy) and then I stop until the next thing reminds me of her.

I think because I think she's an awesome person (at least, in my presence) - kind, gentle spoken, not a push over, imperfect, a devout Christian, she tries to be a good mom and wife, etc. I see many of the things I'd like to see in myself. I link so many things to T these days. If I see someone with the same initials, if I read something funny in a book, if I have a good day or bad day, hear certain songs that I think would be good to discuss - everything in some way links to thoughts of T or me telling T about that event.

I don't think its so much of transference (the way its discussed here). I just have this tendency to "hook" on to people in my life and strongly feel the urge to learn everything about said person. I do it off and on with my friends (it varies on which friend i'm around the most at that time). Then, when I find out enough, I'm satisfied. Nothing ever comes of it except I either decide I like the person more or that they bore me/i bore them.

I should also mention that in this compulsive thought process - there is no desire for me to interact with them in any way. It's not that I want them to approve of my action, or comfort me, or anything. I just like knowing how other people live, what they think about the world outside of my own.

Do you think it's just nosiness (quite possible) or the patterns of dependency? What are some more effective ways of distracting my "stalkerish thoughts" besides just saying "No, stop thinking about that" (since that only works for a short time)? How do I cut the apron strings?