So I've been drinking tonight (why this is not going to be long or involved) but my ex is over (we're trying to be friends) and my current (my ex doesn't know) and we're playing a game. We have game nights with our friends and this is the main way we are staying friends. My "sponsor" or as close to is here too.

It was going good but something my ex said triggered me (we were cooking together) and so I took some (only a very little bit but I've been drinking) of the "stuff I shouldn't have". I gave in and have been trying to get through the withdrawal phase which was okay but now I gave in and I feel like ****.

Can someone tell me I'm still a good person even though my will is ****** and I lied to my parter and my current about it (she walked in right as I took it but I said I was taking my normal meds).

It's 7 now and my ex and one of my friends is leaving at 9. My sponsor is staying later, and my partner might be as well.

I need a hug and I want this to be over and I want to be sober but I also want to be high and drowned out the world. I hate this.