Keep holding on, even if it only feels like it's just by a thread. Please keep doing whatever you need to do keep yourself safe (even if it means doing something that isn't yet on the safety contract). Focusing on your kids is a really positive thing to do. Do you have any one else that you can talk to in person about any of your struggles or just someone to talk to about anything for a bit of distraction?

When I'm really struggling, I find it helps me if I keep forcing myself to do the little things that I usually enjoy (like drinking a cup of coffee), talking to someone about what I'm going through (if not my T, then sometimes telling someone on this forum has really helped me), or doing something like practising mindfulness to help reduce a bit of the distress.

Keep focusing on the things that will work for you and keep you safe. And if you are really in danger, do what you need to do to keep yourself safe or let other people take over and be the ones to keep you safe until you're thinking clearly again.