musicflows--U have made a fantastic first step. Admitting U have a problem is key. U know it is a "central issue" to your emotional stability. Now the key is how do U get help? U said
that U can't tell your T b/c the words won't come out. Have U considered writing this down
& mailing it to your T,or writing it down & giving it to your T at the beginning or end of your
session?
I have suffered w/ anorexia & bulimia in the past as well as Major Depression,GAD,& BP traits. It took me many,many years to find the right combo of meds for my depression & lots of therapy. I have used writing to communicate w/ providers in the past. My psych doc is changing some of my meds. I am fortunate to have a great T. He allows me to e-mail
him when I'm in distress. This helps me get my thoughts out & keeps him up to date on what is happening w/ me when I'm not w/ him.
I hope U will think about this!!