Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
From what you are saying, it sounds to me that this is not "stalkerish", it sounds to me similar to what you have experienced previously with other people. How long does it usually take (with your friends) for you to find out enough and get satisfied? What if you kept an eye on things but tried to wait that long here, to see what happens?
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Thanks for replying
I guess in a way its never ending. After maybe 1-2 months I lose interest with finding out every thing, but that doesn't garauntee my interests won't kick back in again at a later date. I just had my friend of five years to make a list of five things I didn't know about her. (She was not excited about it immediately per say, but she rain checked it for a few days and randomly was like Here You Go!
) I could try that waiting thing. For some reason the book and birthday question has been on my mind at least 2-3 months (the coffee one is new) but I told myself not to ask (no beneficial reason even though I know she'll answer).
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeeJay
Clearly, you get something out of this and it isn't hurting anyone. Maybe just enjoy it?
I think there are less healthy ways to occupy your thoughts and time. If your options for self soothing are 1) self injury, 2) substance abuse or 3) fantasizing about your T all the time, well then isn't three the best option?
Maybe force yourself to exercise or do something healthy, while you're thinking about T. It just seems win-win to me.
It's like having a crush that goes nowhere, but makes the work day a little bit more enjoyable. I liken it a little bit to falling in love and the dopamine that you get from that.
I used to attach to my high school teachers in this way. I was obsessed with them and I imagined what they'd think of my outfits, I imagined being loved by them, getting attention from them, serving them and cleaning their houses. I just really wanted to be loved and accepted by parental figures and I had no model for it.
I was a teacher's pet, but so what. There are worse things to be and some of those teachers really helped me a lot in life.
Today, I do the same with T. The sight of T's name in my e-mail inbox makes my heart beat faster. I love it. When I'm out and about, I look for T. But I don't go out of my way to see her. I just imagine, "What if T was over there right now with her kids?"
Even if I saw T, I'd probably just observe from afar. I wouldn't approach. I just like knowing that T is in the world and exists and that I get to be a small part of that.
Finally, it reminds me of the children's books where the poor children are stuck outside in the cold in the winter, and are happy (and slightly longing) just seeing the children in happy families, inside the big windows, near a fire. And the street urchin just gazes in from the sidewalk, happy to be a part of it, even from afar.
It seems like that to me. Sigh. I'm sad now. I clearly didn't get enough love. |
All three options sound
eh to me. But since I do waiver between 1 and 3, I guess 3 would be the best one. I could try the exercise thing. I actually hate to exercise so that could be a really good deterrent!
I could relate a lot to what you wrote about and I think that you may have a very good point. It must do something because I have noticed that I am, indeed, a people watcher and it does, in a way, soothe me just watching people (families specifically) interact. (And eat, I love to feed people.) You brought a very valid point that I didn't notice. Thanks
Sorry you're sad though.
