hey. yeah, it is nice of him to offer phone sessions. i think i would prefer chat / email to phone. but i guess we will see what happens. i still need to see about going to this other city for a couple of months. he was trying to get me to see if i could go during april (when he will be having his time off). that isn't looking so good, however. i've been told that april is the worst time for them spacewise and so i really need to go during feb / march. that is jolly soon... it will all depend on accomodation now. so i guess that means a three month break really. i'll try and get back every fortnight. i probably can't afford to come back every week, however. things aren't looking so good right now.

i think i'm okay with email / chat because i'm pretty used to the online forum now. there does seem to be a little more distance... which can be a good thing. i think i have an online disinhibition effect more than a phone disinhibition effect. i think that could be helpful. i might have some more courage to talk to him via email / chat. it could help us get to know each other.

i know it isn't personal. i know that rationally anyway. emotionally is much much harder. i can know one thing and feel quite differently. i guess it helps to keep saying what i know. need to acknowledge how i feel too though. otherwise i just make the discrepancy worse as the feelings intensify. yeah, i think it is normal to go through cycles of closeness and backing off. i think irl relationships are quite like that too. even marriage and stuff like that. our need for closeness / intimacy and space / independence varies over time. mine probably more so than most. i guess i really did cover a lot of ground 2 sessions ago. last session was mostly talking about aspects of that. i've seen him maybe... 7 times now. we are still getting to know each other. i've heard it said that it takes about 5 sessions to know whether you really can work with someone. i was fairly sure right from the start that i wanted to work with him. i've only had good surprises from him - except about the time off thing. i'm pretty sure that he knows it is hard for me. i haven't told him explicitly but i've made it clear. for example, he said that he would try and reschedule and i said any time except for tuesday and thursday afternoons were fine. that i needed to get to seminars... but that i could possibly make tuesday afternoon if it was a once off thing. he said he didn't expect me to skip seminars for therapy. i said it wasn't about his expectations, it was that i *wanted* to come. i've said little things like that several times. and kt... i said about her crying a lot (when he was on holiday). i didn't make the explicit link to the holiday and i didn't talk about it anymore (i was really embarrassed). but i think it was fairly clear.

it is a bit frustrating that i can't see him though... but yeah, we will get there i guess.