Hi Usehername123
What happened to you is terrible. The abuse you have suffered during your childhood is overwhelming, you have had important losses, as well. However, the good news is that human beings can be resilient. Also, it is of enormous importance that you have identified the sources of your feelings and that you are looking for help. I imagine that counseling will be helpful. Hope you will continue posting here, this is a good place for us to come and support each other. Good luck with everything!