Hi Guys,

Kind of didn't know what to put as the title so I thought that would do, I've only just joined and basically did because I am worried about someone who I've known for a long time and is one of my closest friends apologies this could be quite long, I'm posting in here because I think it's probably the most appropriate because if he had any potential disorder I'd describe it based on the NDSM checklist he ticks a number of the boxes. I suppose I'm kind of wondering if he really fits the description of someone who could be clinically diagnosed with APD or "sociopathy" although sociopathy seems to be being used less and less. I won't mention names or anything for a number of reasons I'm sure you can imagine, so will just refer to him by his gender/he or as my friend ha, I've known him for a number of years and went to school with him for my final years of high school, he's always been rather quiet and I suppose cold too, he's not really approachable unless he wants to appear that way or from what I have seen anyway, we joined a new school at the same time together but he didn't know anyone and I did have a few friends at the school so I wasn't as much of a stranger to everyone as he was, he would talk to everyone but there would be basically just me and another his two best friends that he would actually seem like he'd want to talk to I think everyone else it was kind of he'd interact with them fine but he would have no real care for what they were doing or whatever he'd do the chit chat and all that but I don't think he really gave a toss to talk to anyone. From the classes we had together he always basically had a problem I'd say with authority and he enjoyed being what I'd describe as a "smart *****" as soon as a teacher had something wrong he'd be the first to tell them they were almost to just prove he was smarter than them or everyone else (in history class he did it often if teachers described a series of events like the Russian revolution or WW2 wrong he'd get almost enjoyment out of correcting them one of the few times he'd make a sound in class). He was always very intelligent but there were some things he'd do far better than me in like history or english but then would barely pass maths because he hated it he'd do enough to barely pass but that was it and the ones he'd enjoy he'd get distinctions and the highest marks (which I remember finding annoying lol). This probably doesn't sound very I suppose profile of a sociopath but that's more the background I suppose or a little bit, from what he did at school basically he felt little remorse for what he did, once he basically caused a fight between two other people (he'd orchestrated it to get them to fight), and he told me he'd orchestrated it and I asked him why and he basically said because he was bored which I found a little astonishing and then I asked didn't he feel bad about it and his reply was only if the teachers found out and he'd got in trouble, that was basically the theme for all the bad things he did at school whether directly involving me or whether him just telling me things he had done (I seemed to be his confidant) it'd basically be the only time he'd feel guilt would be if he'd gotten caught or the only thing stopping him from doing more would be that he could get caught, it was never that he'd hurt someone or whatever it was just that he could get caught doing it that he cared about. From my long friendship with him he is a compulsive liar, almost to the point where I think it's more natural for him to tell a lie than the truth , he has little problem exaggerating if he thinks it will get a greater reaction or will help him somehow (he's very narcissistic like that, which I thought probably would tie in if he had APD or something like that given most people with sociopathy have a degree of narcissism tied into it). Recently as I've taken the idea of him having a mental disorder more seriously and asking him questions that I try and disguise so that he won't feel a need to lie it's kind of become more worrying to me that he could be, because if he has a conscience it certainly has holes in it he lacks any care or empathy for people he hasn't met, there was a car accident near where I live and I mentioned that to him because I knew one of the people involved and he would have known of the person that died and he shrugged it of as to say "why's that important to me?". I also noticed that he'd only basically hang out with people apart from me and maybe one other regularly if he needed them, kind of if he was having trouble with an assignment like a physics assignment he'd become great friends and be charming to some of the students who were good at physics to help him, one of the subjects he was bad at, then as soon as the assignment was done and they helped him he'd hardly say boo to them for the rest of the year because he didn't need them/they'd helped him. That sort of thing has been what has worried me about him for a long time, he's always had a lack of remorse or guilt or really care for anyone that doesn't involve him or family members (if he upsets his mother from what I can tell he gets legitimately upset and sad that he did and will say he's sorry but he's told me at least twice that he's apologized and everything to her when he didn't mean it because she was upset at him). I've read on APD is that they lack any care for family members so if that's true that rules him out but I've also read there is a real grey area to where some can feel empathy only for family members and close friends rather than most people who would care about everyone they know somewhat.

The most troubling thing with him is that what he would do if there was what he described a world of anarchy, he had a number of bullying issues at school and he basically tolerated it and I asked why he did or how he tolerated it and he said by imagining what I would do to them in a world of anarchy (and he'd insinuate that he'd be fantasizing of well I don't think I have to type it I think it's obvious what he wanted to do). I know of a number of times he has told me he's thought about doing that to people, whenever he faces a problem with someone his first thought is to kll them apparently but he has said he never would because of the fear of getting caught and going to jail which permanently apparently prevents him from doing it but I thought it was rather bad that he'd even think about doing that to people on a regular basis and that more so he didn't care if he did it to them it'd just be that he fears getting caught he cares about (given he's told me some of these things I hazard to think what goes on in his head that he doesn't mention to me). I basically came here because I go to counseling for my own issues still and my counselor basically said about my friend that he to the sounds of it was either a rather cold person or did have a disorder potentially APD but from not meeting him couldn't tell me much more than it sounds like it might be. For some reason I have stayed being friends with him for years basically because he actually can be quite nice (whether he actually is or just makes me believe it I don't know), he will go out of his way to talk to me either online or if he's in the area where I live I think kind of because I'm one of his main friends and I think the rest of his other friends he describes as "mere useful acquaintances" and that I'm one of the few people apart from family that he doesn't try and manipulate (something I haven't mentioned, he manipulates a lot although not to me just others around me in the past I've noticed he does, for example he knew at school the teachers knew he had routine appointments so to get out of certain classes he'd lie and tell the teachers these appointments were at a different time just to avoid subjects he disliked which he tried to deny but I knew he was lying because he'd told me when he used to do it). I suppose I'm really here to basically ask with some of what I have noted above am I jumping the gun with thinking my friend has APD/given he can be extremely nice to people is it just that he's a naturally extroverted person or something like that? And I suppose if he is one is there anything that can be done really? I think part of the reason if he was one was because he does have from what he's said a lot of abandonment issues and had although a very loving mother a verbally abusive father who he has had a number of I'm not sure if they were physical but at the very least verbal altercations if that has scarred him through his childhood and caused his lack of emotional attachment or something? I kind of want to know if he could have APD or something like that is he really my friend after all these years or is he basically selfishly using me as a support network and because he lacks other friends am I basically just there for when he needs me and if he ever made other good friends he could just potentially discard me as a friend?

Anyway I think I have rambled enough lol surprised if anyone is still awake reading it to get to the end, I'm just here looking for answers and kind of hoping that he is just a naturally cold person or naturally slightly vindictive but nothing more haha and I just hope that really he isn't a sociopath or narcissist or anything like that because I suppose if he is would put a different spin on our friendship for one thing ha.