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I have felt that way, that I deserved the scars...
My life has changed so much in the past couple of years, some for the better some not so much, but what I'm trying to say is you sound like you have given up on hope of finding someone (not that you need someone to have a full life) but you don't know what is out there in your future.
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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