I'm lost for words, but I am sending you thoughts of healing and hope you can get to talk with a counselar.
I am so sorry to hear of your pain and saddness the loss of a child is devastating, but try to console yourself with the fact your other children, though you do not see them as much as before, are still here and you need to still be here in their lives, I too live only for my child, he is my whole life, and I will not go into my story but please know that you are part of your children's lives, and you all need to carry on for each other's sake, this is love, and you need to be not so hard on yourself, you are human, you have a heart, you feel, you've been hurt and through some very tough times, but please seek professional help with this, you and your kids are worth it, you owe it to yourself, with professional help I feel things can work out in time.
Please take care now,

DE

(((((((((((((((((((( vlynnrn2004 ))))))))))))))))))))))

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON