It doesn't much matter. I'm no longer welcome at the iop because I asked to be hospitalized for suicidal urges last week. They deemed me too much of a risk. If my therapist feels the same way, I lose her too. I'm done with being honest and asking for help. It always ends with the loss of a support. Its not worth it. I'm just going to struggle through this while keeping all that crap to myself. My wife is tired of the ups and downs. She's as burnt out as everyone else. I can't lose her too. I'm still fighting all this crap for the time being. And I'll make an effort with my t. If things still are tough at the beginning of the year, I will try a residential program. After that, I'm out of ideas...