I worry about the same exact things Newtus. I feel for you. One of my huge fears is becoming desperately poor.

Next year we are moving and that scares me. I just know that there will be mass layoffs at his company next year (while the rest of the economy recovers at record levels with the Dow hitting greater than 17,000). Even though the stock is around 24, it used to be 140 before it split. It has been in the range of 13-30 for a period of 13 years. It was the tech bubble that hit them hard. That was in the middle of 2000. Before then we had it all. We would go on vacation whenever we felt like it. We would get brand new cars and pay the whole thing off like it was nothing.

Now? In our most recent car purchase (we had to get one rather desperately because my dad's company he used to be able to work at home and that was fine but now he is forced to go in everyday) we had to negotiate to make the payments extremely low, and basically said we couldn't even afford it but did it anyway. So now we have an extra payment to worry about that we didn't plan out.

I had some good news that I can't talk about here but I'm fearful that it won't amount to anything because similar promises have been said before and yes, after awhile it didn't amount to much no matter what they try to do.

And to the person talking about Ritalin, I don't know if my pdoc is not as knowledgeable as other docs, but she prescribed me it even though I am schizoaffective bipolar type. Yes, the hallucinations have been getting worse. I don't know if its because of the Ritalin or stress. But I am aware at this moment, but some of the things I am seeing and hearing scares me. And for some odd reason, since the Ritalin my dreams became far more bizarre. Kinda like the movie Inception, the dream levels (dream within a dream within a dream). So this affects my reality testing somewhat because I don't know what is a dream and what is real life. I mean i have dreams that a wake up in my room from another dream and everything seems normal until I realize that was a dream because I woke up for the second time within that dream. OK sorry if that sounds weird. But that has been happening nearly every night now.

But what is most bizarre is that I don't know if its the med or the weather I have been feeling tired more than normal. The thing is my pdoc made the diagnosis of ADD just based on 1 symptom and that was me talking and going from subject to non related subject. But what she doesn't get is that that can happen in schizoaffective as well under "disorganized speech." And that lack of concentration can be a negative symptom or a depressive one. I am not impulsive like a lot of people with ADD are ( my brother at a very young age had ADHD and did all kinds of impulsive things and had it extremely severely). Now, I don't know for sure but isn't ADD and schizoaffective basically opposites? The reason why I say that is the Dopamine levels are opposite. With ADD/ ADHD Dopamine is low, so the Ritalin or related drugs increases it. Schizophrenia/ Schizoaffective is based on high Dopamine levels so anti psychotics decrease it. I have both indications that make no sense some that indicate low dopamine others that show high dopamine levels. OK this is too long, sorry for this post.