thanks for your support guys. i will be sure to let you know how it goes. im just so nervous!

i have a problem though, that i would like some advice about...

today i showed my sister a leaflet from my vocal tutor and i explained about my lesson on thursday and that i am really excited... big mistake!! then she began saying how she wants to take up singing lessons, and she asked me how much i am paying and where it is etc. now, this may sound really nasty and harsh, but i dont like that idea. its not a competition thing at all, and ive been thinking all day as to why i get this horrid feeling in my stomach everytime i think of her saying those words, but i dont know why i am so against her doing it. maybe its because me and her are so different, and she listens to the type of music that i cant stand, and it makes me feel negative, but i have to respect that we all have our own tastes. im just not happy witht he idea that she could sing too, and i hate myself for thinking it, and i really dont think its jealousy, or competition...why would it be, i have so much to look forward to... but yet i feel a horrible churning feeling in my stomach when i think of her doing singing. its not becuas ei want the limelight, i have questioned that too, but i dont want limelight, and i dont ask for attention from anyone, so it isnt that.

the answer has just dawned upon me

i consider her a threat to my success. she is the type of person that causes arguments for the sake of it, and she thrives on negativity. she brings me down..or used to anyway, not anymore, because i dont let her (until now). and because i am so protective over my singing and music i fear she could make it harder for me. i know this is so harsh to say, but i dont class her as a part of my family, because she is so nasty to everyone she meets, and i dont want to be associated with that. isnt that nasty! i dont like thinking that, but i do, and i dont know what to take from it, whether i need to change that, or whether its good, i really dont know. any suggestions?

she wants to be in music for the money, she is the money seeker, and often admits she will be a footballers wife just for the money... she is shallow, and seeks a shallow life that to me isnt what music is, i never think of the money side of it, you only get money from it if you are successful, but she only wants money, music isnt important to her. thats why i hate the idea of her doing it. she likes the artists in the charts that ar eonly in music for the money, and their songs have no relevance or meaning, nor any talent is used to make them either. she wants to be in music for ALL the wrong reasons, such as attention and money, and i dont, i want it for the feeling music gives me, and the feeling i get from singing, and to be able to help others through my music. none of that would matter to her, and i know she would trample over me to get what she wants, money. and it scares me so much, scares me more than i can express. i really dont know what to do.

i do feel it is ruining my excitement and enthusiasm for thursday. i dont have enthusiasm anymore, not at this minute anyway, and i feel really down tonight, quite upset. this is what happens when my family get involved!

simon