My previous t had VERY rigid boundaries, so much so that he came across as very cold and uncaring. He offered very little in the way of support too - told me he looked at me as someone in a deep lake who was struggling to swim and he saw himself as in a boat staying just enough ahead of me so I couldn't grab on but instead would be forced to learn to swim on my own. This may have been OK if I had started seeing him before I was spiraling but I was pretty messed up in the first place when I went back to therapy and I needed to be able to trust that I could "grab the boat" during those times when I truly felt like I was drowning. I stuck it out with him for eight months but after a session when I told him I was having a lot of SUI thoughts and he responded by telling me what a mess I would make out of his life if I did that, I admitted to myself that we were not a good fit and terminated him.

This t has always been very supportive, which is what I liked best about him. He checked up on me every now and again and encouraged me to reach out to him when I needed help outside of session. I was really starting to trust that he gave a crud about me and being able to trust myself (and him) to reach out when I was tempted to SI was starting to reduce the instances where I gave in to those urges. He's even offered a hug if I asked for it, although he understood that I was not ready yet and never pushed the issue.

I'm wondering though if his less rigid boundaries are what led to this situation in the first place. And do I need to trade support for confidentiality?