Going to the hospital is a great idea. I was dumb and lied about my issues after I had my baby because I was afraid that I wouldn't get to see her. But that just led to months of me having horrible intrusive thoughts about suicide or putting the baby in the washing machine.... and me actually doing things like laying the baby on the floor and watching her cry, or hiding her in the closet and telling my husband I drowned her....

Postpartum things can be awefull. If you can get help then do it. Your children will thank you for it later.

I wish you the best. Take care