I have become someone I don't like. Since being depressed the last 12 years and being diagnosed as BP II and having borderline personality traits I don't know who I am. Of course my husband blames all our issues on me since I had my problems before we got married. The other day he said you haven't gotten any better you have only regressed. I realized what that meant because of the emotional abuse I can't feel any better. . I have become spiteful, I will hold myself back from interacting with his family, do things that I know he will not appreciate. I am such loving, caring affectionate person who is being stiffeled. I have not been able to control myself even in front of the kids, which breaks my heart, I call him horrible names as he does to me. Our frustration is hurting the children not physically emotionally. Many people find strength in playing with their children I am so drained that I don't have the energy it makes me so sad. Due to the marital issues my husband gets more frustrated with them. I admit I have faults I am a horrible housekeeper and lack the ability to do many household things decorate, paint etc. It is so painful to feel so useless. I hate who I have become and don't know how to deal with it all is it my "illness" is it my real personality? Who am I? Will someone put up with me and all my faults?
littlep