I'm sorry for your pain and agony. I know it's hard right now, but in time you will make your life extraordinarily brilliant just as he knows you will.
I lost my Grandma Annette a year ago and it's still very hard to get up in the morning and act like everything is okay. It's not okay but I know that in time it will eventually be better than just okay.

Keep your chin up.
When my Grandma passed away I started to go running so I could fly with her for awhile. You could try that.
I do that with my Grandma Annette. We even have dream dates and I talk to her in my dreams.

Keep going strong,
K