Hello to everyone, I am new here and looking for some help.

I began to realise that I might have DID about a year ago. I worked with the diagnosis for about a month, but was so afraid of the diagnosis that I switched myself off and stopped experiencing DID altogether.

A few weeks ago severe stress brought on the DID again and now I am starting to accept the diagnosis. Unfortunately there are no trauma t's where I live and my present T has no experience with DID.

I was diagnosed with cPTSD (sexual ritual abuse/incest/child pornography) 7 years ago and have been in therapy for the past seven years.

I really need some guidance. I am scared because I can't figure out what is happening. If someone could guide me a bit I would really appreciate it.
At the moment I am experiencing a kind of push and pull on my consciousness when i begin to wake.

As I try to awaken from sleep I am aware of the alters, at least two, one is male, both are pulling at me pushing me down, trying to take consciousness. One has fear present the other anger. I do not know who they are. They will not allow me to awaken fully and will not allow me to leave the bed. Each seems to have a strong desire to be the one present in sleep, to be the one aware of dreams.

At one point I did awake fully as my DH asked me if I was OK. But right after I told him I was struggling and couldn't explain it to him, I was pulled right back into sleep.

Anyone know what is going on?