Its not too late to make a different choice you know, a healthier, happier one...
You say you don't want to wreck your kids lives, how is a happy healthy mother a wrecked life? Is it healthier for their wellbeing to witness mommy being ordered around? Is is good for them to watch how mommy's spirit is broken? Is it better for them to watch mommy live a miserable life when there are better options?

Is this marriage the example you want them to follow for themselves into adulthood? Should little boys grow up to be abusive, demanding, demeaning, bossy men, and little girls grow up to be property of their husbands with no will, thought or wants of her own?

Divorce doesn't equate screwing up your kids, subjecting them to a toxic marriage has a much better chance of doing that.

You deserve better, and your children deserve a happy, whole mother, not a martyr.