Ok im sorry if this is a long post but i just need some help from other people diagnosed with bipolar!
(just back story) So starting at the root of everything last summer (15 yr at the time now 16) i was self harming and i was extremely depressed and i knew i needed help, i was ****ing up a lot of relationships and everything was spiraling down. My moms dad (my grandpa) was diagnosed with bipolar and my uncle had depression. ANYWAYS i went in to see my doctor with my mom and ofcourse my family was very denial (who wants a child with mental health problems?) they thought i was faking a lot of it and making stuff up. Initially i thought possibly BPD but now im thinking more bipolar. In my initial check up the doctor said severe depression, anxiety and possible bioplar. She prescribed prozac which my mom was not happy about because my uncle was on that when he committed suicide. So i started seeing a psychologist and she said BDP and Bipolar was possible but didn't want to give diagnoses because of my age and possible job problems in the future on medical records. I stopped meds and seeing her because my family was very denial and just ****ing irritating about everything.
Life is very frustrating for me lately cos i feel everything is getting worse, i get into periods were i feel like **** and i just wanna die and cry and dont want to do anything. I feel very tired and distracted and hopeless. But other times i feel EXTREMELY energetic and happy and loud. I do a lot of art and its very good when im like this but a lot of the time my energy feels very anxious and irritable. Its like im happy but i was to hurt something. The only person who sees a lot of this is my boyfriend, he mainly deals with my issues and i feel so guilty. Other times i feel normal and then i wonder if its all in my head that i act like this. Or im in a mixed episode and my head feels so jumbled and pressured. WHAT DO I DO?