Thanks Fuzzybear, just what I needed!

Now on to therapeutic journal, chapter one. Before I tackle some very pressing concerns (like the motivation issue), I want to write about recent events which have turned my (emotional) life upside down.

Quick rundown of who I am first: late thirties, single, female, no kids, have a PhD, and work in academia. My love life can only be described as non-existent. My last relationship ended in 2007 (yes! 2007!). I don't fall in love very easily at all. I need an intellectual spark as well as 'chemical' attraction, and I just don't seem to meet the right men. Tried online dating - met some nice guys but not relationship material. Since I don't do casual flings either, I've been on my own for a long time now.

In early October I met a man in a professional context. We immediately clicked and tuned into each other. It was bizarre. After having spent less than a day together we had pretty much fallen for each other. Now the bad news: he is married (less than 2 years of marriage)... Neither of us was looking for love when we found it. After a very intense, four week long affair (yes, slate me for it, I deserve it) we realised that we can't go on like this and stopped all contact. We have both developed deep feelings for each other, so this has been hard.

My problem is now that I am a) very heartbroken (which is my own fault really) and b) can't stop thinking about him. I literally can't stop. He is dominating my thoughts, day and night. It is very distracting (on top of the other motivational issues). I need to do something about this. Any ideas??

It is fair to say that my depression has taken a turn for the worse since we ended it.

The other problem is that our initially agreed no-contact period ends on the 29th. The temptation to get in touch will be huge so I'll have to decide what I should do.

I find it strange; my life now is essentially the same as my life before I met him, yet it couldn't feel more different.