I just have to tell someone this,cause I can't keep it in anymore.I have to tell someone my life story of being abused.It started when I was about 5 years old.When I was little,I used to LOVE going to my gramma's house (like most little kids do).It was just fun there,my cousin lived there and he was around 16 or 17 years old,and meand my brother used to go there every weekend.Well,one weekend,I was outside,blowing homemade soap bubbles and my cousin (Michael) came out there and started playing with the bubbles with me.After a few minutes,he asked if I wanted to take a walk with him and I said sure.We was walking in the woods,then he took his clothes off and forced me to do it.He said we were just going to play a little game but,then he made me do that.I didn't know what he was doing until I got older.And I never told anyone because they probably wouldn't believe me.And then a few years later,when I was,I think I was 11 years old,my parents made me see a psychiatrist because I started feeling depressed and crying all the time and cutting.The first day I went in there,at first,the Pdoc was really nice.He asked me about school and home.Then he asked me why I was here and im told him how I was feeling.He said he knew had something that could make me feel better.I thought he was just gonna give me some meds or something,but,he didn't.He pushed me on the small couch in his office and made me do it with him.I told my mom,but,she didn't believe me.The a year later,my parents started arguing alot,and doing drugs and drinking.When they were sober and off drugs they were ok,(which wasn't very often),but,when they were drunk and high,they got out of control.They started arguing more and yelling and cussing at me and hitting me,and my dad made me have sex with him almost every night.My mom would just sit there.She wouldn't even try to stop him.Sometimes,she would even join him.Then they got put in jail for abusing me.But,they were only in there for 4 months.My dad doesn'y sexually abuse me anymore.He does it once every few months,but,not like he used to.My mom and dad split up the day after christmas this past year and my dad cusses at me,my brother,and my sisters alot.My mom lives in another state now and im feeling more depressed than ever.My bi-polar meds have stopped working,im cutting again and I just feel bad all the time.Ive tried to kill myself a few times too.Ive even gotten put in the psych ward a few times for attempting suicide and cutting.I even keep asking my dad to take me to the doctor,but,he wont.Im too scared to go to another Pdoc again cause im afraid he'll rape me like the last one did.I