from alexandra:</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
it used to be thought (it still is thought by some schools) that one should never 'indulge' selfobject needs. one should always analyse the assumed transference e.g., 'why is it so important to you that i express approval'.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">this is the style in some therapy orientations but not all. Thank God my therapist is not like that! I don't think I could handle being with someone who responded like that instead of authentically. I know some people prefer that approach, though.

Rapunzel wrote:</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
As far as the needs, I can see therapists readily fulfilling needs for idealising and mirroring. Not usually twinship though, because that tends to involve self-disclosure, and therapists have to be careful with that. I do think that therapists should fulfill needs when appropriate, and not just analyse the needs.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I really agree with that last sentence, that the T is there to do more than just analyse. As for self-disclosure, my therapist does it. I asked him to. It's part of his skill set and has helped me immensely. It isn't necessarily a road to boundary violations, although boundary violations are usually preceded by self disclosure. But self-disclosure is common and accepted and considered therapeutic in some schools of psychotherapeutic thought. The psychodynamic approach tends to favor the therapist who is neutral and non-self disclosing. The humanist school favors authenticity and self-disclosure. CBT also often involves self-disclosure.

I read an interesting article a while back on self disclosure:
Re-examination of Therapist Self Disclosure

A couple of quotes from the article that I like:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
“The therapist may disclose past experiences as part of the ethic of sharing. Such disclosure alleviates the patient's shame and embarrassment, provides positive modeling, normalizes the patient's experience, and provides hope.”

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
and
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Self-disclosure models tend to fall into two groups. Traditional psychodynamically oriented clinicians profess adherence to a model in which self-disclosure is largely discouraged and is limited to very specific situations. In contrast, "humanistic and eclectic" therapists favor free and open self-disclosure and emphasize that therapist anonymity is impossible.

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The issue of self disclosure is an interesting one. Does each of us know how important it is to us, personally? That question might be a key one to answer for oneself if looking for a new therapist. Because if you get a T out of synch with your stand on self-disclosure, you may not be happy in the relationship. It goes both ways. Some clients may desire very little self-disclosure and in fact would be put off or disturbed if the T offered it. Whereas people like me need it to feel the T is a partner in the therapeutic relationship--not being authentic or participating fully with me in therapy would make me clam up and not be able to trust or share. Of course, I am still the client and he is the T. It's not like we will ever be discussing his current problems in my therapy session at length. (Or I want my money back! )