I have found transference and self disclosure not to be mutually exclusive. For example, I experience transference with my T despite his self disclosure and I don't think it's that unusual, despite what pure theory may say (often not in tune with reality). I remember I was kind of thrilled the first time T made transference interpretations. I remember thinking, heeee, I know what you're doing! I make them myself now sometimes too. I don't always need him to recognize the transference for me. Our entire last session was pretty much a major transference-fest. So in my sessions, we use both self disclosure and the transference to achieve therapeutic change. I like how T borrows from the different therapy orientations to use what is best for each client. It's kind of a unique "stew" for each person. That too makes me feel valued and appreciated, that he doesn't just use a "one size fits all" therapy approach on me. I guess that would be meeting my MIRRORING need.

I'm thinking back to my previous therapist. She was very CBT. We couldn't get anything meaningful done, although she helped me with some outer symptoms of my condition. There was no transference. I also remember very little self disclosure from her. On the other hand, I didn't ask her for any, either. It just didn't seem to fit, so why request it? Basically, she was very uncreative, and missed out on opportunities I gave her to delve beneath the surface. (I classify her more as a counselor than a therapist, if that makes sense.) I find it interesting that I had to "learn" on her what worked for me in therapy (CBT and other "surface" therapies are not a good fit for me), at least to some extent, so that I could pick a better matched T the next time.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kohut talks about 'experience-near' modes of interacting and contrasts it with (something... i can't remember so i shall guess) 'experience-far'? modes of interacting.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That reminds me of Martin Buber's two modes of interacting, "I-You" and "I-It." I strive for "I-You" as much as I can in therapy but I don't beat myself up about it when we slip into "I-It." An important feature for Buber was true dialog between two people, and I like to think my T and I have that, at least in our best and shining moments.