I have been having a lot of trouble lately still having a positive relationship with my family because I'm dealing with childhood stuff and am so darn angry about everything. My parents (mom especially) are huge triggers for me. Neither of them abused me, in the physical sense, but I did not get nearly the amount of support I needed from them. Not because they're horrible people, but because they just didn't see it, and didn't understand. Story of my life, the never-understood youngest child always seeking approval and attention. Sigh.

I went home this weekend, was very nervous about it, but my friend came with me and suggested I limit conversations to once a week with them, via phone. I was in awe at how simple and brilliant that plan was. I told them I needed to 'practice being an adult' as a reason for me to not be talking to them. If they knew it was because they trigger me, it would be a long, horrible, annoying and dramatic ordeal. My mom thought it was a good idea, and even mentioned to my friend that she thought I was 'doing better'.

Last night, my dad called me while trying to text me, which was no problem, he was never a big trigger anyway. Tonight my mom called out of the blue, told me that tuesday ngiths work best for her, and went on to unload a ton of stuff, like how she's afraid when my dad leaves for a fire call in the night that it's someone trying to get him out of the house so they can attack her, and on and on. I should have not answered, I was busy. I should have told her I was busy. I should have set boundaries. But I did not, and was triggered, and now am having a hard time calming down, 4 hours later. My voice lesson tonight was horrible because I was so stressed out, and my teacher even asked me if I was sick because I just wasn't really there. Usually singing is one of the few things that can make me feel better.

I will talk to them when I see them this weekend, and set up a time that works for all of us. But I am just so frustrated. I feel like my boundaries were completely violated, which isn't exactly true seeing as they weren't really that clear to begin with. We never agreed on a time, just on a once a week.

Does anyone else have trouble with boundaries with family? I just wish I could put them in a box and close it and only take it out when I'm feeling up for it.

IJ