I have been married for 19 years and unhappy for 18 of it. Not necause he isn't a nice guy and a nice dad, but because I have had to carry the burden of the responsibility in this relationship, as far as financial support and discipline.

I can't deny he has made progress on the discipline issues with our son, once he went through some therapy, but not on the financial issues. I have been sick exhausted crying begging and pleading, even refusing to do anything around the house. But it hasn't made any difference.

If I felt like I loved him it probably would be tolerable. But I feel nothing anymore except pity for his helplessness, and anger that he hasn't done something before now.

I thought I just wanted to be alone, but I realize that what I want more than anything is just a chance to be loved and love someone. And I can't imagine ever feeling that for him. I feel like an idiot for staying and trying to make it work for so long.

Now that my kids are almost grown, I am thinking about the idea of having no one left at home but he and I and the thought of that pushes me into depression and suicidal thoughts.

I have been faithful, although I do have men who would like to jump in the sack or marry me or whatever, who I have had the "just friends talk" with. But to be honest I would just love to jump in the sack myself with any of them, just because I feel so lonely and unhappy. But I know that it would ruin my friendships with them, so I won't be doing that. But the idea of just having someones arms around me that I believe cares would be a wonderful thing.