The T I saw before this one used to tell me that she was doing most of the work, the "heavy lifting", and I was not doing much at all. She was referring to my "pattern", and she kept telling me that I wouldn't get better until I stopped wanting the relationship with her that I couldn't have.

I'm not sure how she expected me to stop wanting it. She basically wanted me to "grow up" myself, and keep busy with other things in my life instead of obsessing about her. I was partially successful, but I don't think she ever thought I did much of "the work". I couldn't, with her.

I want to "do the work" with my current T. It may be the same work, but my T helps me with it, and is an active participant. We're more partners than any other T has been. My work is to be participate fully in my RL so I don't need to have the kind of fantasy relationships I've had throughout my life.