That sounds like the way I felt with my last therapist. I was trying extremely hard to do the right thing, to do the work, to guess what I was supposed to be doing, to be open to changing, etc and I was afraid to ask him questions like this. I did manage to ask him sometimes; but, overall, I felt intimidated to ask. In my case, it turned out my fear of him was legitimate. He really wasn't very good for me because he dominated the conversation way too much and still managed to manipulate me into believing he had some insight or ability to help. Finally he got openly mean and I left. I suppose he probably thought it was my fault.

I hope your therapist is not judgmental like mine was. But if you continually feel afraid of your therapist thinking you are not doing enough, it might be worth considering a more supportive therapist where you will feel less afraid to ask questions. I think your plan to try to ask is a good idea. But if you try asking difficult questions like that a few times and the therapist doesn't seem aware or interested in your efforts, and also encouraging about your efforts, I guess that would be a way to tell the t is off base for you. You shouldn't be left to feel as if you were an irresponsible person when you're putting enough thought and effort into figuring out how to do the work as you obviously are doing (by posting here).