Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Its not too late to make a different choice you know, a healthier, happier one...
You say you don't want to wreck your kids lives, how is a happy healthy mother a wrecked life? Is it healthier for their wellbeing to witness mommy being ordered around? Is is good for them to watch how mommy's spirit is broken? Is it better for them to watch mommy live a miserable life when there are better options?
Is this marriage the example you want them to follow for themselves into adulthood? Should little boys grow up to be abusive, demanding, demeaning, bossy men, and little girls grow up to be property of their husbands with no will, thought or wants of her own?
Divorce doesn't equate screwing up your kids, subjecting them to a toxic marriage has a much better chance of doing that.
You deserve better, and your children deserve a happy, whole mother, not a martyr.
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Dear Trippin
i did not see several posts before 9computer glitch?0
Anyway,thank you for your words. YOu are right ,I do not want my daughters and son to have my type of "happiness",which is seeming,elusive.One day we are Ok,the other he is barely speaking,some other I am at fault for everything. I suppose he loves me in his own way,he wants us to go out on/off,he makes effort to have few short vacations a year with kids,he adores kids.Everyone had fights in marriage,I am not alone, its just the feeling that something is wrong,that i have to be careful what to say,
NOw after 16 years,when he and my daughters (12,14) have disagreement,I start thinking"do not do this to kids, you already killed something inside me,please do not do this,"I actually told him to go easier on daughters, to listen to them,after my older one complaint that she hates feeling secluded and neglected emotionally from him,she feels dismissed. It sounded so hurtfull and so familial that I had to talk to him :well,that became a big problem,apparently I have no idea how to bring up kids....what I am trying to say is I am trying hard to ,frankly convincing myself, that I am fine,but in the evenings and many time during the day Anxiety is building up ,insomnia,and so on.Its like something big ,important is missing,and I am shutting myself down not to go into desperate vortex,which completely drains me.
So, in answer to your question I do not want my kids to feel this way,this is not happiness,though i realize it can be much worse. But somewhere deep inside me I told myself ,if he behaves one more time like that(with hatred in eyes,barely holding himself to to hit me,completely destroying me ) i will leave. I am confused .
