Quote:
Originally Posted by Anika.
We lived in a broken home, I fixed it when I walked out.
I left with my three children all under 5 years old. No money, no plan. It was urgent. But you know what, I have three beautiful children, teens now. Who are happy, healthy, well rounded, live in a stable loving home, and are modeled healthy relationships too.
I am a much better parent now then when I was being abused by my ex husband.
It's not you. And you always have the basic human right to make choices, change your mind, and request respect. He isn't treating you with love, someone needs to treat you with love and respect, can that person be you?
That feeling of freedom to choose things, be responsible for my own life, my own money, home. A choice to have peace in the house, no violence, freedom to laugh, have fun, have interests, friends, freedom to find a partner who loves me and treats me with respect and great care.
Freedom just to be.
I hope you can find that, because we are here once, and it is not for very long. To be robbed of living is high a price. You don't deserve to be robbed of that and neither to your children.
You do not want to loose anymore of yourself in this till you have no being left. 
I am very sorry you are in this situation, but I wish you the strength and courage to find your way out.
Sometimes while we are still in it we cannot see how damaging it really is. I understand the feeling of not feeling able to leave. It would be very hard for me to advise or encourage someone in an abusive relationship to stay.
Why do you think your parents or brother would be destroyed if you confided in them? |
Anika
I am sorry you went through all that,but happy that you did find peace and stability. I can only imagine how difficult that was: it takes someone brave t do that.YOu gave your kids chance to choose the right path.
In answer to your question: i did want to leave him when my first was born,2 years into marriage,after he verbally abused my mom who was staying with us(his parents always lived with us ) to help with newborn,because it happened that I had pneumonia,delivered 2 days prior to exam which I could not reschedule. Anyway,my mom had nowhere to go, she lives overseas ,no other relatives here.MAke it short he told her to get out,so i wanted to leave,but my mom insisted that I have nothing to do with her and "be by your husband,do not fight b/o me".I do suspect lot of what happened that and many other days had to do with his parents.To clarify and be honest ,I had anorexia when married,but he didn't see me for little less then year,so he was shocked to see me below skinny scale.That is when problems started and evolved into ugly web of :your parents wanted to get rid of you,you miscarried because of you know what,...It was ugly,involved every aspect of our life,mix in the fact that his sister has congenital abnormality(cosmetic only),and everything is perceived by them as a potential insult,they are very suspicious. So life was miserable,but somehow i was trying to understand their and his point, and took mom's advise to stick to my new family. All this years my parents new only inevitable events and not the whole scoop,I cant break it to them ,that I do feel unhappy,incomplete. My H is a good man,but he was never first concern in his family b/o sister's problem,and his parents are very authoritative and demanding in a way,controlling (good people though,again hit by daughter's problem) almost all aspects of his and our life.I think if things would have been different with me ,his sister ....maybe we would be OK.I am mumbling here,sorry.I am trying not to diminish him,but be objective to all of them,They love me in their own way. Now things are calmer then years ago,(not a weekly eruption),but there is a feeling ,that fight/"talk" is just behind the corner ,waiting for me to do something wrong,it is matter of time.
I am sorry,I promised myself not to write a long post and not to reveal much,I do not want to be annoyance ,so sending this without rereading
thank you again
Be HAPPY,wish you the best
