I am going through a mixed state right now and just wanted to vent to people I know would read this and understand. I am at work right now. I am waiting for my period which leaves me in a foggy stuppor. I seem to have lost the mastery over the english language. I can be looking at an object and go to say it's name and another word will come out that has nothing to do with what I am trying to say. For the past two days I have been in a heightened state of mind, but not a good one. Not only do other people bug me but I bug myself. I have just fought with the stapler and threw it on the floor. My co-workers shoes are so loud when he walks down the wood floors in the hallway I could scream. I took down two phone numbers wrong which I could of sworn I double checked. I got inappropriately angry at not being able to find a file, slamming stuff around. Everytime the phone rings it sends jolts in my head. I know it is obvious something is wrong with me to my co-workers as one even said " I wasn't like myself". I am afraid I will say or do something I will regret. Plus on top of it I am having panic attacks everyday. I am on a beta-blocker and know that if I weren't my heart would go into defib. I just called my doc to give me more xanax. I wanted to get off of that as much as I could but I am trying to ride this wave as I call it until it's through. I hate this illnes, I hate it. Always wondering if this time this will be the cycle that takes me out.
Jojuli