So I went to the pdoc last night. Told her about my weird, possibly mixed episode, about my hallucinations (I do have schizoaffective bipolar type) and that I tried to quit smoking a few weeks ago.

First off, not smoking is a big trigger for me. Usually it makes me extremely manic. This time I thought it would be easier and I wouldn't get so manicy since I'm on medication. Boy was I wrong. Instead it just gave me my first mixed episode, and I'm not digging it. My pdoc told me in no uncertain terms I am not to try to stop smoking cold turkey. She basically told me my stability before was very fragile but at least I was stable and now I ruined it.

Not only that but I think in the half hour I was there, she asked me 3 or 4 times if I thought I needed to be hospitalized. Then when I was walking out the door she made sure I knew I could call an ambulance if I needed to. Am I really that bad and don't realize it? Or is having a mixed episode that bad? Now it's got me sort of worried...

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