To be honest, the words have never held much appeal for me. I think when someone says, "I love you" it says far more about the speaker's experience than that of the spoken to. If my T had ever said that, I would have been very sad because it would show that he was invested in his feeling rather than mine.

On the other hand, I really enjoy the feeling of love for someone else and saying it. Having that feeling gives me pleasure, and being able to say it gives me a sense of empowerment. I enjoy experiencing myself as someone who feels loving. It's entirely separate from the feeling of being loved. It took a while, but once I could feel just how my T cared about me by his entire presence week in and week out, it was like a warmth in my center that never left. He's felt about me as a daughter (not the same as feeling about me as his daughter) and has enjoyed experiencing himself in a paternal way. It pleases me that he can have that feeling, and it pleases me to be the object of that feeling. But neither of these feelings has anything to do with hearing the words, "I love you."

So maybe part of thinking we need to hear the words is cultural and we have embued the words with expectations of feelings that may not be emotionally true.