Thanks everyone ... I really appreciate your replies.

I have internalised a lot of guilt, abandonment fears and feelings of being "not good enough" (grrr) from my childhood and abusive others ....Hmm ... not much of a reply I know, I need to think about this more and maybe write something that actually says something (I just deleted a sentence here ...) My trust issues block me in a lot of ways although you guys have been so sweet to me ...

Those feelings of worthlessness go back to my early childhood so are hard to shake completely. An abusive doctor and therapist sure didn't help

Love you all,
Fuzzy