Alright I'm a freshman in college and I'm most likely failing my English class. The thing is, I love English. I love learning more about perfecting the language; reading is one of my favorite things to do. But for the life of me I just cannot write essays. I have very low self esteem and no motivation, so I judge myself a lot when I'm writing, and I can't help it. I care about writing and I want to be good at it, therefore I'm not. (See what I'm saying? I'm so scared of failing and thinking I can't do it, that I actually can't.)

I also tend to disconnect from reality a lot when things are hard. My brain seems to be in automatic disconnect mode. So when I am writing, it doesn't matter how much I research on the subject, how informed of it I am, I just cannot focus my mind; I feel like I don't have a strong opinion on anything no matter what I tell myself, no matter how much I try to understand it and feel interested, I just don't.

So when I write essays I feel ambiguous and pressured like I cannot unify my thoughts and ideas. So my essay for English is two days late; I have something but the ideas are very very scattered.

I feel like a failure because I might fail my freshman year of college. And I actually really like this school so that makes me so sad. Anyone else? It's not the only subject I'm failing either; I simply have no motivation in my work. My therapist tells me to keep my goal in mind to try to get motivated - but really? Although I would like to pass, I really would, I can't honestly say that I have a GOAL to do it, because I have no interest in anything in life... So her idea doesn't help me.

I'm not really asking for advice on how I can focus, because nothing works for me. More what I am asking is this: does anyone else have this problem? Is it a result of depression?