My husband and I are currently in a commuter marriage. We've gotten used to the distance though, since we dated long distance for four years while he was getting his degree. His schedule is a little more regular than your husband, though, except when he's about to change contracts. Like right now, we have absolutely no idea where he will be working come Jan. 1st. They've also put his vacation time on hold until they get his contract straightened out. We're trying to plan for Christmas, but we really just don't know. It's tough. We don't have kids yet, though, so that does help. He plans on doing this kind of work for another 4-5 years, and then we'll be in a position to start thinking about children and him looking for a new job.

Each contract varies how much work my husband will have, too. Right now, even when he's home, he's sometimes on-call so we can't really leave the house (he needs to be near a computer). We do try to spend a lot of quality time together when he's home. We go for runs together, go to the zoo, go out for drinks just the two of us. We don't do a lot of advanced planning...more of a "we'll see what happens" "what do you want to do today?" type of deal. It's hard not planning stuff (especially for me, I'm definitely a planner), but I try to focus on my own school work when he's gone so I can enjoy being with him when he's home. I also try to make plans with friends and phone calls and such when he's gone so I don't get lonely.

It's definitely hard, especially since you have a lot of other stuff going on. Wish I had something more to say. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to vent with.