Hi, I have quite a lot of sexual issues.

You see I'm 30 yrs old, fat and ugly and I have only had sex once. It was when I was 18, still ugly and fat but not as fat as I am now, and it was with a guy. I hated it, and although he wanted to continue the relationship, I decided, being 18 and stupid that he was "clingy" because he phoned me once a day (he lived quite a distance from me and I only saw him on weekends). I decided I wasn't ready for any sort of relationship...

I've had "attention" from other men, but I always decide there's something undesirable about them ... they're not intelligent, they're too short, they like star wars (yes that was one excuse I used)

I've never had any other sexual contact since that first guy, and now the thought of having sex - although I get turned on, and horny and all of that stuff - makes me feel ill because I'm now 30 and practically virginal that I wouldn't know what to do and will just get laughed at. I am not attracted to men at all it would seem, and I am also not attractive (which is probably why I haven't had any more sex) so I think I might be a lesbian. I am definitely attracted to women - usually married ones that are out of reach and aren't even lesbians themselves - and frigid, but I don't have any experience to base anything on and I feel so repulsive, ugly and unworthy of any sexual attention no matter how bad I want it at times.

I don't know what to do or how to progress... it's like I'm in some sort of self-deprecating cycle. I know I should go out and meet people. I feel like I can't tell anyone I feel attracted to women - my mum is a Catholic and whilst I don't feel she would hate me, I feel I would always be that disappointment to her as she still thinks it's a "choice". I just can't bring myself to admit it I think...

I don't know what to do and it's hurting me every day.