What a difficult spot you are in. I'm female and have sciatic nerve pain even after back surgery - and you have ED on top of it.

Even with if you weren't having ED, I think you two possibly are not compatible sexually. I have a high sex drive myself, like to be dominated by my boyfriend in bed, and so on. I won't get to TMI but I think I get where your partner is coming from. Vanilla sex is not her thing and the ED is exacerbating the issue.

It is not your fault. It isn't her fault. It sounds like she has sexual needs that are incompatible with yours. I don't have specific advice, but wanted to add my perspective. Good luck and stay true to yourself. x