I feel too stupid for school, work, life - everything. Ever since I started on lamotrigine (Lamictal), I've gotten stupid and sloppy. I used to be a star performer that everyone would go to even if their problem had nothing to do with my area of expertise. I could understand the situation well enough to be able to point people in the right direction toward solving their problem. Once I started lamotrigine, the quality of my work became poor. Thereafter my work always contained errors. I used to almost never make mistakes. On lamotrigine, I constantly made the same simple mistakes over and over again. I got fired from two jobs because of my poor work. I tried really hard to overcome the cognitive difficulties imposed by the lamotrigine. All of the pdocs I've had since starting lamotrigine will not take me off of it no matter how mush I beg them. They tell me that my cognitive problems are not due to that particular medication.

Anyway, it's so difficult for me to concentrate and think that I want to drop out of college. It would be so easy to go online, click a few buttons and drop out of school. I'd be done with that misery. I wouldn't have to face another semester of school ever again. I'm going on a cruise over Christmas with my mom. I could jump off the cruise ship and easily end all of my misery. I'm 45 and have been depressed since I was 3. I can't take this anymore. I've never heard of anyone surviving a fall from a cruise ship.

I can't stop crying. No one in my family wants to listen. The depression has gone on for so long that they're tired of it and told me not to talk to them anymore about my depression. I have one friend IRL but she keeps shutting me down by saying that I have no reason to be depressed since I have everything going for me.

I am so far behind on my school work. I watch the minutes go by and I fall behind even more.

I don't know what to do.