I agree with everything ToeJam said.
especially the part about not interrupting your wife. You need to really hear what she's feeling. She's already expressed to you that she feels inadequate and you've gotten angry when she admitted that she feels she'll never be over it.
Cheating is a deal breaker for many people. Luckily for you, your wife is not one of them. Please don't make her regret it.
I DO commend the way you've handled yourself in this thread. I know it's not easy to be ganged up on. I half expected you to fire back with defensiveness and ugliness, but you've taken it in. You've identified some problems and seem willing to work on them.
Maybe there's hope for you yet