I got a pretty good book on sz. Better than the 'cat poo theory' book anyway. It was written for the family of someone with it, but I'm finding it useful for it's resources and how hopeful the tone is. Like how I might not have 'persistent symptoms' my entire life.

I'm afraid of losing my partner to this. I'm really hard to deal with.

I'm also thinking of starting to look into spiritual stuff again, but I'm really afraid to, just in case I get delusional about it again. I used to 'feel' energy. I still don't know if it was real or not.