I want so bad to go off on my ex for choosing to not be here to help me with our son.. I have a 4 year old Autistic son and it's so much work and sacrifices to take care of him by myself.. I have no family support and we are by ourselves.. His dad is choosing to not be here for me or him and I want to email him and go off on him so bad for his decisions.. but I also don't want to wake up tomorrow apologizing for being a "*****"..

What do I do? I want to just ignore him and let him live his life but I feel like he is being so selfish..
I just wish he would understand.. When he is sleeping in until noon on the weekend i am up making breakfast.. When he has to run errands or run to the store for something and he can just come and go as he pleases i have to get a kid dressed and take extra time to do so, when he is out with his 21 year old friends partying and getting drunk i'm home with a child who has a fever or whatever is going on, when he wants to sleep he can sleep, when he wants to eat he can eat, when he needs to go to work he can go to work, when he wants anything that he wants he can have it but i can't and i don't and it's so frustrating that i don't even have a slight break from that sometimes. and it pisses me off that he CHOOSES to not be here to help me out when he can be here.. Why do I have to do it all by myself?? I am a single mother with BPD with an autistic child and it gets to be so much sometimes and I feel like he deserves my wrath of total chaos directed at him... (sigh)