Fuzzybear, I can't remember if you now have a therapist you can trust? That makes a lot of difference on the developing trust thing. I too had an abusive therapist. She was horrid. But, my current t is the opposite and has let me do all of the push pulling I have needed to to make sure she was trustworthy. Try to pretend that you are a stranger meeting you and getting to know you. What would your feelings be then? I bet you would be positive and caring and like that person who is you. Hmmmm. Feel better.