My dear fuzzy, I see that you are really hurting and my heart aches for you. I see that you need to feel trusted and trust the people who are trying to treat you. I see that diazapam is not a good med for you any longer because anyone who can take that much and still walk and talk has a tolerance that is unhealthy. I don't know your sit with doc and therapist but you really have been hurting and I wonder if you should start there? You are taking chances my dear. Talk to a doc. Maybe you need a total med eval. I am sorry for your pain.