I took ativan and seroquel when I got too distressed, but it didnt really help. Seroquel just made me too tired and slow to function for about 4 - 6 hours and ativan barely took the edge off. I tried not to take them much though, I get so worried about benzo addiction. I've gone through a lot of withdrawls before and this feels so different, but it is also different to my "normal" depressions too. I cant remember feeling such an obsessive urge to suicide before, but perhaps I have. I was completely hopeless, looking back now when I am a bit better I can see how irrational I was being. I also was informed that I have some rather large cysts on my ovaries halfway through the week, I bet that news affected me more than I realised at the time. Consciously I didnt feel affected but who knows what it could have triggered subconsciously.

The side effects of the drugs are more tolerable than from what I had from other med combos, and is one of the few that actually stabilisers me I should be thankful for that instead of worrying about anything else. I desperately hoped I could go back to study next year but this has effectively put an end to that.

The pdocs said we can play around with the antidepressants, maybe I can find a dose that is tolerable. I definitely need something else for the depression right now.