It's like it took me a whole lifetime to mature to the point where I can pursue a larger goal. That would be a professional musician. Up to now I only dabbled in piano and guitar and compositon. Drunk everyday and using rec drugs for forty years, and with recurrant depression now that's all done, you can't do much with only a couple hours productive time each day. I just got tired of it and quit-no will power thing, just quit in a couple days. I have not the slightest urge to drink. I lacked the social confidence to do much with any goal pursuing. Where many a high achiever started out as a teenager or even younger I'm at the other end of it. Of course I can still enjoy what I can achieve but it almost seems like a joke that I'm starting at the end of my life and I do get quite disappointed at times. It's like an autistic person snapping out of that state one day and being normal, or someone coming out of a coma or amnesia. My appearance is even that of a young person-but now full of wrinkles. LOL! This change has come over me in just a few months. Is this a common thing in personality development or am I a rare case? My best guess is that my new self is the result of getting off alcohol. But still there was something about me as a young person that caused all this. Does anybody have any comment or a name for this condition? I guess it is what it is but I'm puzzled. Alcoholism and a neurotic withdrawn personality that finally gave way to outgrowing it all?